<p>this past week has probably been the most stressful fucking week ever. this just got worse and worse. </p>

<p>i&#8217;ve been sick all week. my throat is killing me. i&#8217;m totally congested. </p>

<p>the gators lost.</p>

<p>my candidate for president who promised me he&#8217;d fight for every vote, conceded before any chance of a full count.</p>

<p>each of my performers for my woodwind quintet (who told they could play my piece) told me they couldn&#8217;t make it. i eventually replaced everyone twice on each instrument. i was completely stressed. but now we&#8217;ve run through the piece and things look good. they&#8217;re playing at the SCI concert on the 17th. </p>

<p>i got to see the st.petersburg philharmonic orchestra from russia on wednesday. they were amazing. it was so good. but i sat behind a girl with a huge ponytail and insisted on leaning forward in her seat. it wouldn&#8217;t have been that bad, but she kept turning her head to her friend 3 seats down every 4 seconds and it totally distracted me. hearing the orchestra was probably the highlight of the week. </p>

<p>prior to seeing the orchestra, i had to go to class, fix my music, copy the music, get the score bound and put on cardstock paper. then rehearse the group in front of my composition teacher so he could sign off to have it played on the concert. </p>

<p>tonight was practice. the last day of the &#8216;combine&#8217;. we found out who made the A-team or not. i&#8217;ve been working hard to get better this past summer and fall. and it&#8217;s been paying off. i&#8217;m a lot better now. i didn&#8217;t make the squad though. it&#8217;s really tough to take. i think i&#8217;ve tried really hard. anyone who knows me, know i&#8217;m very into ultimate. and being on the B-squad this coming season is going to be tough. of the guys on the b-team last year is Me, snake, JP, raf, and naked phil. </p>

<p>yeah. so after this week, i&#8217;m very depressed. over school, the presidencty, and ultimate.</p>

<p>i feel i need to make a choice on whether or not i want to continue coming out anymore to practice. of the guys on the b-squad, i know i&#8217;m probably one the best guys, i know i&#8217;m faster than any of them (maybe not dustin).  but i&#8217;ve sacraficed a lot of things this semester to work out, practice, tournaments, work on throws, etc, and now that i&#8217;m on B, i don&#8217;t know if it&#8217;s worth it now. i realize playtime would be way up on B. still, practicing with the better group would help so much. now i sound like a whiny turd that tries too hard and isn&#8217;t good at anything at all. </p>

<p>i don&#8217;t know. i&#8217;ll think about it this weekend and figure it out. i&#8217;ve put so much into this. sigh. i don&#8217;t quit. but.</p>

<p>i have priorities and being on B might change things&#8230; it&#8217;s so completely hard to think about it. i have to stop thinking about this. </p>

<p>being tired and sick and depressed has got me crazy. </p>