I’ve been working really hard lately and I don’t feel like I’ve gotten anywhere. The semester is going to start Tuesday and I’m almost finished with my syllabus, but there are billion other things to do. And classes start on my birthday. I’ll be turning 28. I’ve been trying to stay true to my philosophy of balance: giving enough time for each part of my Mental-Emotional-Physical me. What else could I do?

One good thing that grew out of this, was that I passed and did well in my classes. I don’t know if I could have done all that I did if I were still dating Christine.

I saw her today and had the first real conversation with her since we broke over 2 months ago. I feel like we both have realized- how much we compromised of ourselves and gave for each other. And we’re starting to learn how much of ourselves ( our beings ) we lost while dating. It’ll be forever a question “how much compared to our relationship should I/she/we be willing to give/lose in our next relationship”. And also the question

When you think of something funny or interesting, they’re usually the person you ‘try to remember to tell’. And when you’re in conversation with someone else, you would normally say something like “Christine doesn’t like asparagus either”, and you catch yourself before it comes out of your mouth. Or when your ex is also your best friend- the person with whom you tell everything- and you just have something to say, you catch yourself reaching for your phone to tell her that you’re excited about her play. Or when you’re having a really bad day and you need vent- you catch yourself. Because it’s something you’ve done for almost 2 years.

Or when you’re having a really, really good day, and just hope that the other person is outside, in the sun, breathing, feeling the energy and you just want to tell them you’re happy to know them.

You catch yourself. And you’re suddenly thinking about them again.

I’m going through my daily routine and I’m thinking about you, again, Christine. It sucks.

But I hope you’re having a really, really good day, and you’re in the sun and breathing, feeling everything you want to, and I’m happy to have known you.

In a short time and on a small college bankroll, I’ve become a VIP player at a local casino. I won’t mainly be posting tips on how to play blackjack, but mostly about the culture that I’ve noticed, the social aspect of gaming, endoctorenated betting strategies, superstitions, and fallacies held by players that prevent long term winning.

Often times these false beliefs, superstitions, and lack of understaning compound each other.

The first fallacy I want to address is the ubiquitous belief that if you play the cards correctly, you will win. And, if you don’t play “correctly”, you will ruin the winning order of the cards – the winning order of cards that would give you: blackjack; twenty-one, if you hit; make the dealer bust, if you stay with than twenty-one; give the dealer a winning hand, if you decide to surrender; give the dealer blackjack, if you decide to take insurance; not give the dealer blackjack, if you don’t take insurance; all of which is possible in one shute, but highly improbable to expect.

Last semester, I arranged and directed music to an LSU theatre production of Maria Irene Fornes’s Promenade , music by Al Carmines. It was an “experimental” musical at the time in the 1970’s, that didn’t reach much success. Fornes’s obsurdist approach to forming the piece may have rubbed audiences the wrong way.

The LSU production of Promenade was a large success, being sold out every night and not not being a main stage show. The work I put into it did pay off in the connections I made with the theatre department. I am looking to do sound design and compose music for at least two shows next fall semester.

This semester I started work on my opera- Southern Werewolf. It’s a one act opera for soprano and baritone, based off a play by a fellow LSU grad student in the theatre department of the same name. It’s a story based in Southen Louisiana, around Lafayette parish. It’s a love story between a werewolf and vampire.

Closing my account involves a fax, where an email, internet, or phone will not do. I’ve sent a fax 3 times with instructions to close my account, everytime I call to confirm the closure, the outsourced representatives are annoyingly incoherent, diliberatly dodgy in their responses or absolutely have no idea what they’re doing. I just want my money. This is the last time I deal with this financial group. ever.

…

During intermission at an LSU play, my neighbor, returning to his seat, asked me if I was Nepalese.
“I had a friend who was from Nepalese.”
Nope, I’m Taiwanese.

I’m sitting in a 15-seat van on the way to Denton, Texas for Electric Latex, an electroacoustic festival held in the South. It’s an eight hour drive. We’re on hour 6. My electroacoustic professor and 7 composers. At any given time, there are 3 powerbooks/macbook pro’s being used. One is learning to program in java, one notating music, and I writing a blog post.

Yesterday I spent a hundred dollars at Kinkos making copies of my music for my portfolio. It makes me anxious wondering where I will be in a year. That the hundred dollars I just spent will probably be good enough to get me into a good doctoral program.

I told my sister last night that I felt I had finally begun to digest the things that I have learned here at LSU, Baton Rouge, and the people I’ve met here. I am a different person than when I arrived. I feel like a different person from 5 months ago. My transition into Baton Rouge was pretty smooth, will my next move be as easy?

Thanksgiving is coming up and I wonder what I will be doing. 2 years ago, I had a turkey sandwich and fell asleep in my living room (on my futon – my bed at the time). Last year, I went home for Thanksgiving. This year, I’m not sure.

I’ve renewed my vision on leaving Baton Rouge and moving with my life, getting into a doctoral program and getting better at everything. I’ve learned several things about myself in the past couple weeks- things that have changed since I’ve been here. I think since I’m looking forward to leaving, I’m becoming more independent. It’s time to think about myself for a while.