Nick Hwang

I’ve been re-learning to live this past semester. My girlfriend of almost two years and I broke up, catapulting me to rediscover singledom- which, after two years, was something I was not used to, relatively.

One good thing that grew out of this, was that I passed and did well in my classes. I don’t know if I could have done all that I did if I were still dating Christine.

I saw her today and had the first real conversation with her since we broke over 2 months ago. I feel like we both have realized- how much we compromised of ourselves and gave for each other. And we’re starting to learn how much of ourselves ( our beings ) we lost while dating. It’ll be forever a question “how much compared to our relationship should I/she/we be willing to give/lose in our next relationship”. And also the question

One of the hardest things with a breakup in a serious relationship is a lot of daily routines involved your new ex. It sucks. You automatically associate many parts of your life to that person. From brushing teeth, meals, laughing, sheet lightening, and how to judge how fun things are.

When you think of something funny or interesting, they’re usually the person you ‘try to remember to tell’. And when you’re in conversation with someone else, you would normally say something like “Christine doesn’t like asparagus either”, and you catch yourself before it comes out of your mouth. Or when your ex is also your best friend- the person with whom you tell everything- and you just have something to say, you catch yourself reaching for your phone to tell her that you’re excited about her play. Or when you’re having a really bad day and you need vent- you catch yourself. Because it’s something you’ve done for almost 2 years.

Or when you’re having a really, really good day, and just hope that the other person is outside, in the sun, breathing, feeling the energy and you just want to tell them you’re happy to know them.

You catch yourself. And you’re suddenly thinking about them again.

I’m going through my daily routine and I’m thinking about you, again, Christine. It sucks.

But I hope you’re having a really, really good day, and you’re in the sun and breathing, feeling everything you want to, and I’m happy to have known you.