Nick Hwang

My brother wrote a post the other day about his experience in Chicago so far. I related with it so much, I joked that I would copy the entire post and replace ‘Chicago‘ with ‘Baton Rouge‘ and would be completely true for me.

But the following week, he made a post contrasting me with him, romanticizing my coffeehouse haunt and overblowing the availability of Livejournal girls in Baton Rouge. We were adjusting to new cities, finding and fitting into new Ultimate communities, and generally dealing with living by ourselves, knowing no one. But in no way did I feel more adjusted than my brother. The only thing I have above him is that I own a bed.

It hasn’t really gotten easier living here. I’ve been writing a lot of music and I haven’t really been sleeping enough. Despite having established a moderately successful dance night, which might be expanding to another nightclub, I’d rather trade that recognition for some sort of affirmation for the music I’ve been writing. My first ‘performance’ for this semester is going to be December 8th as part of the Alice in Wonderland collaboration. I’m still waiting for the persons in this town that enjoy both the recreational and creative music I do. (Unfortunately in Gainesville, I didn’t many like that either.)

The weather has cooled down a lot, but today has been overall dark and gray. Not getting enough sleep and the lack of sun affected me a little today. It was one of those days that seems like you woke at the same time you went to bed- but you didn’t. I took yesterday off from writing music and just thinking about Dance Fever. The turnout wasn’t awesome, but the response from the people who did come was great. And the best part was seeing 3 workers from my beloved Highland Coffee there. It was a fitting completion to my daily cycle: Wake up, class, go to Highland, work on music at Highland, work on Dance Fever music at Highland, go to Dance Fever, see Highland workers at Dance Fever. Now, if they show up to my music performances I’ll marry one of them and the circle would never stop.

Then the problem of being initiative actually confronted me. I’ve always wondered why sometimes people look like they want to say hi to you, or you want to say hi to someone, but don’t. And I was asked last night why I have never come to her and said hi. And it was obvious- I’m shy. And it wasn’t until loud music, familiar faces, and alcohol took its effect that I could be audacious enough and overcome my typical coffeehouse fear. It really boils down to comfort. One of these days.

LSU has periodically been offering flu shots since supply is apparently limited. The posted time to receive shots was from 1-3pm and they suggested wearing short sleeves. The temperature that day was 40 degrees. I decided to go a little early to have time to take my jacket, tie, and button-down off before receiving my shot. I showed up at 12:30 to find a 30-person line out the door- they had already started delivering shots. When I finally got my shot, the nurse decided to put in on the highest point of my shoulder- it felt like the most lateral point of my clavicle. Also, it seemed like she used the entire bottle of alcohol on me before pricking me. I smelt like hospital the entire day. I could smell it through 3 layers of clothes and whole day I thought it was someone. After realized it was me, I imagined all my clothes soaking up the entire bottle of alcohol.

I’m going to be staying in Baton Rouge for Thanksgiving. I’m not quite sure I’m going to be doing exactly. But I will definitely be thankful for a. not being sick this season b. having a bed c. law and order marathons d. RENT.

[…]

Right now, I’m listening to someone give his friend advice on right an email that he said was ’soft handed’ and unnecessarily ’softening the blow’. And the entire time, the advisor (sitting a little diagonal from me, who has been looking at me for a while) is choosing his critical words and noticibly not saying what he’s really trying to say, softening his words. I wanted to lean over and say to the author of the email and say, ‘yeah, just like what you friend is doing.’ but instead, I just sat there thinking about how I would try to shatter the advisor’s world, a millionwordsinmymind. staring. And he just looked over. Now he thinks I’ve been just staring at him back. There’s one thing I can’t seem to avoid- attention from men. I took out my eyebrow ring (for good) the other day. Because it seemed that all the attention I get these days are 18/19 year-old girls and gay men and I’m not interested in any of those- so at a change had to be made. But it seems it seems like it wasn’t the right change.

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I spend almost every night at a local coffeeshop just north of campus. I first went there the first day of class as most of the new masters students went to get to know each other. I noticed the number of cute girls and mac users and figured it would be a good place to do work. It gives me a chance to get out and concentrate (somewhat). In my apartment, I have a TV and ridiculously comfortable memory foam, so I really can’t do work there. With the soft classical music and moderate-to-cute girls that come in every 15 minutes, it’s a constantly improving environment.

Though I’ve been ordering the same thing for months, the workers here don’t really remember what I want. A soy mocha with double dark espresso- for here. Or a mango Tazo. I only drink coffee in the evening. It’s interesting to see the different people that show up here and it’s nice to see the number of School of Muisc people come here (the only people that I recognize)- the coffee shop is about 100 yards from the SOM. They play classical music during the day. And at night they play some good stuff as they close. Like now - they’re playing CocoRosie.

…

My dance night, Dance Fever, has not exactly taken off yet. I’ve done it twice, the debut being far more successful than the followup, partially due to midterms. My main motivation for starting a dance night like that was part nostalgia and trying to find the ‘cool’ people in Baton Rouge. I can’t say that I’ve been successful on either half. I can’t bring the fun times I had at UC to Baton Rouge (people dance differently here) and I’m not entirely happy with the company I keep right now.

I’ve been thinking that I haven’t been hanging out with people closer to my age, and that graduates students are the ‘people with substance’ (or people with the same mindset) that I need in my life. In a small web of connections at a huge block party this weekend, I met a pretty nice creative writing grad that was throwing a party last night. And it just so happened that she lived right above a friend of mine. Her opinion was that it would be a great oppurtunity to meet some like-minded grads. I thought it was good idea. Showing up around 12, I saw my friends sitting outside their apartment. I told them I was checking out the party above.
I walked in.
Looked for the girl I had spoken to the night before.
Couldn’t find her.
Caught a couple if awkward glances.
Noticed that they were slow dancing to Oasis’s Wonderwall and left.
Maybe it’s the petty things I feel are weird that keep from meeting ‘people of substance’. Hopefully I’ll surive.

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