Nick Hwang

I was talking to Curt tonight before Tilly and the Wall. He asked me when I finish my masters and what I was doing next. I told him I finish in May and will be looking to start my PhD.
And naturally the followup is ‘where?’.

I’ve thought about it several times, but I’m unable to name any specific school but general areas. I want to go North. Chicago, Indiana, NY, Boston, Michigan? -maybe even Europe.
So, tomorrow I start my next step in my future: I’ll be researching schools with PhD programs in Music Composition that place an emphasis on ‘New Music’ and encourage performances. It’s seems a little awkward- I have yet to move into my new apartment and have a another year of classes, and I am already planning on starting my next degree. I hope by the time I turn 25 (January 19th), I will have a good idea where I will be for the next 4 or 5 years.

Shane (future roommate) has joked about him starting his Master’s at the same place I start my PhD. What a weird feeling- since my notion before coming here was that I would mostly have no obligation, long-standing tie, or person following me out of Baton Rouge.

From there, I will have vague outlines of enriching my life- buying a house, marriage, children, etc.

I wonder how I will be in 5 years. 30. Will I regret plowing straight through school taken no breaks. Will I be burnt out? Will I be a great composer? Will I be alive? Will I have the same views I have now? Will I know the same people I know now? Will the people and things I love still be around? Someone please remind me in 5 years to look back and answer myself.

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So the summer has finally started and I’m experiencing a heat not unlike that of Florida. Highs in the 90’s and lows in the high 70’s. The weater is hot and humid. If there is one thing I really hate, is sweating. Needlessly. If I had it my way, I would never sweat again. Of course, when I’m playing ultimate, I expect to sweat- alot. But when I am walking to class at 10:30 in the morning, I shouldn’t have to wear my UnderArmour to stay cool. Needless to say, if I could wear less clothing to stay cool, I would.

I’m taking a theory seminar on the metrical dissonances in Brahm’s music. But that’s a completely different topic. Other than that, I’m taking more lessons with Dinos. I have a lot of music to write for certain people and it’s been going pretty slowly. The work flow has come to grinding halt.

And I fear I am be getting a little depressed. I haven’t been sleeping much since school has started. Ultimate has picked a great deal, with Club practice, summer league, and pickup. Anxiety to write more music has me pulling my hair out at Highland everyday. Being at Highland has caused me to drink more coffee than any human should. I feel like my blood pressure has gone up significantly. I haven’t much time to relax. I have Dance Fever every Saturday.
I’ve been trying to not get involved with any girls. In the past week, I’ve been told am lame. And someone else has pre-emptively rejected me before I even made a move. The latter was a little hard to swallow, since I had no intention of making a move and I was just told not to bother. I feel I internalize everything and a lot of things affect me physically. I’m somewhat fatigued everyday. I’m less sharp and I feel like I’m constantly between sleep.

I’m finishing up a trumpet and flute duet and looking for move on to… either a string quartet, piano trio, brass quintet, wind band piece or a vocal&harpsichord piece. All of which should be finished before August.

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